Language and Humor

Twitter Wordplay 1

These are some of my entries for Artwiculate’s and Loqwacious’s word of the day games on Twitter. You can mouse over the words with dashed underlining for definitions. (More: Twitter Wordplay 2)

The entries that are more serious poems are in with Twitter Haiku and Twitter Poems.

Despite the name, you can't make a tree blithe with a wood chipper.[blithe (=merry)]

Always be xenial to your xuests. Xood manners should always be copied.

--A message from Gerog.

[xenial (=hospitable)]

Old Ian the Scotsman could eat

And always surpassed mere replete

He couldn't say nae

So his tailor he'd pay

To give all his kilts a repleat

[replete (=gorged, sated)]
Dionysus was always replete because he surrounded himself with Saters.[replete (=gorged, sated)]

"Supine" isn't a word I'm prone to use.

[supine (=lying on one's back)]

Today's special at Wheedle India Cafe: Curry Favor--Now with flatter Naan!

It's hard to come up with entries for "wheedle" because it's kind of bland-ish.

[wheedle (=persuade with flattery)]

-Kid A: Did you know that "wheedle" and "flatter" were kissing cozens?

-Kid B: Yeah, for a wile.

[wheedle (=persuade with flattery)]

Music by the band Spoonerism is oddly bearable--or is it barely audible?

My Actual Spoonerism: Jay Leno just walks out from the side, but with Johnny Carson the carton would pert.

[spoonerism (=slip of the tongue involving switching sounds between words)]
British "limey" sailors replaced the earlier "peachy" ones, who were victims of internec(tar)ine violence.[internecine (=related to in-group fighting)]
Ensconce in ice: cold hard cache[ensconce (=settle comfortably, conceal)]
Extra-hippodrome ameliorate: off-track better[ameliorate (=improve)]

Objurgate Hair Salon offers free upbraids.

Auto-objurgate: self-reBuick

Objurgate Cafe special: flayed lamb basted with vinegar (served scalding hot)

RIP My Lord Objurgate: As the funeral is informal, his remains have been dressed down.

How do you objurgate someone when toasting? Say "Skoal...d!"

[objurgate (=to rebuke, upbraid)]
U.S. (bald-eagle) quarter: pilgarlic bread[pilgarlic (=bald head)]

The drug Obfirmation cures osteoporosis by a process of recalcitrance.

RIP My Lord Obfirmation: He left no self-will.

Medication obfirmation: drug mule

[obfirmation (=stubbornness)]

Otiose felines have no purr-pose.

Otiose alcohol: fruitless cocktail

The Otiose Aquarium LOOKS nice but has no porpoise.

RIP My Lord Otiose: He struck gold but died in vein.

It was always clear who wasn't pulling his weight in the duo Hall and Otiose.

[otiose (=useless)]
Calorie cursing: dietribe[diatribe (=abusive rant)]

Gulliver tried to have a serious discussion, but the Lilliputians were only capable of small talk.

[lilliputian (=very small)]
If Diorama merged with Logorrhoea, they'd make... a prolixhibit. What'd you think I was going to say?[logorrhoea (U.S. logorrhea =excessive talkativeness]

While Lassie was happy, her sister Cantaloupe was not so much an atrabilious dog as a melon collie.

When your Gillette razor constantly nicks you, you get not just bilious but Atrabilious.

[atrabilious (=melancholy, ill-humored]
For world domination I need less erinaceous minions. Where are these spineless sycophants I've heard so much about?[erinaceous (=related to hedgehogs)]
After two days the purpose of trying to exercise my midsection was baffling, so we called an abs truce.[abstruse (=hard to understand)]
What do we think of wisdom when something vestigial and removed when it makes an impact is called the wisdom tooth?[vestigial (=related to a remnant that's no longer useful)]
While many have heard of the talking drum, less known is the more complicated convo lute.[convolute (=complicate)]
The new baker made alimentary aleatory with his dicey rolls.[aleatory (=related to gambling)]
Two-year-olds are similar to the cognoscenti, as they're always in the no.[cognoscenti (=those with expert knowledge, those in the know)]
"'Abstemious' is the only word in the English language with all the vowels in order," he said facetiously.[abstemious (=refraining)]

There once was a hare that'd chortle

At how he'd outrace any mortal

One baldly debased

Said "Ease up, let's race!"

Hare loss from a wee tortle

[chortle (=chuckle joyfully)]

Mashed potatoes: taterdemalions

When the Raggedy Andy and Raggedy Ann dolls got pretentious, they renamed themselves Tatterdemalion and Tatterdefemalion.

Tatterdemacheetah: when you get a run in your stockings

[tatterdemalion (=tattered)]

-My toddler is a real hellion.

-Mine just rips the stamps off envelopes--a tatter-duh-mail-ion.

[tatterdemalion (=tattered)]
James Bond's foe Anna Graham tried to enervate her enemy, but all she did was venerate her "victim."[enervate (=to sap the strength of)]
Cannibal prandial problem: Eating a clown seems like a nice amuse-bouche, but it tastes funny.[prandial (=related to a meal)]
Swiss Internet forums are especially churlish because their country code is .ch and even the addresses are
.ch URLs.
[churlish (=surly)]

Don't play baseball without KisMitt! If you miss a catch or drop a ball, it was meant to be!

How can you fight kismet when it has all those soldiers of fortune?

Conquering kismet keystrokes: CTRL+F8.

[kismet (=fate, fortune)]

Scarlet O'Hara's "Fiddle-dee-dee!" was Tara-diddle.

What's what hits the spot in a pub without quenching thirst? A dart riddle tarradiddle [anagram]

[tarradiddle (=nonsense)]

It turns out the way to cure all ills ISN'T to write a bad review of a soothsayer, but don't be afraid to pan a seer.

An hors d'oeuvre cure-all: a canapé panacea [anagram]

[panacea (=a cure-all)]
Dinosaur dilettante: Tyro-nosaurus Rex[dilettante (=dabbler)]
Usurper of mall fruit drinks: Orange Julius Seizer[usurp (=seize and hold)]

Troglodytes are so dumb they don't know their home from a hole in the ground. Oh wait...

Troglodyte mass times acceleration = brute force (Physics so easy a caveman can do it.)

The politically correct term for troglodyte is spelunkhead.

[troglodyte (=cave/hole dweller, brutish person)]

-Holy in the ground, Batman. It's Troglodyte!

-Don't worry, Robin. He acts brutish, but then he caves.

[troglodyte (=cave/hole dweller, brutish person)]
Wizen basketball player: Wilt Chamberlain[wizen (=withered)]

Taciturn Tammy's salon only dyes hair in muted tones so that the silent treatment stays with you long after you leave.

It's hard to be taciturn on Easter when you're full of Peeps.

My late uncle was so laconic that he had himself cremated and put in a tacit urn.

The word of the day is "taciturn," and thus mum's the word.

[taciturn (=not talkative)]

There once was a captain named Tips

Who liked the taciturn for trips

He loved crew and boat

Thought they'd keep afloat

For he'd heard that loose lips sink ships

[taciturn (=not talkative)]
The new dairy worker's first day of vaccimulgence was udder chaos.[vaccimulgence (=cow milking)]

-Holy cow, Batman; it's Vaccimulgence!

-Robin, how long are you going to keep milking that pattern?

[vaccimulgence (=cow milking)]
Peregrinate loquaciously: walkie-talkie[loquacious (=talkative)]

-Holy Chatroulette, Batman; it's Loquacious.

-Don't worry, Robin; he's all talk. ...What are you doing on Chatroulette?

[loquacious (=talkative)]

Idiosyncratic penchant: chanting at pens until they become Cross.

[idiosyncratic (=related to an individual's quirk)]

I want to follow

the rules of haiku, but I'm

idiosyncrat

ic

[idiosyncratic (=related to an individual's quirk)]

Disheveled defender: Rumpled of the Bailey

Disheveled dwarf: Rumpled Stiltskin

[disheveled (=rumpled)]

Cammy changed her looks

Percy speaks frivolously

life at the Flage house

[persiflage (=frivilous talk)]
I thought I'd get an easy science class with ELEMENTARY Particle Physics. What a misnomer![misnomer (=a misnaming)]
Predominant penchant: America's Most Wonted[penchant (=a strong liking, tendency)]
12-year-old Pedro wasn't expecting to speak with a Irish accent, but then one day his voice brogue.[brogue (=Irish accent)]

There once was a king with dungeon full

Who thought prisoners were fungible

He thinned out the clump

With extreme-sport jumps

Executed if unbungee-ble

[fungible (=easily substituted for each other)]
A sot's stupor is a toper's torpor is a lush's languor.[languor (=listlessness)]
Tweet about "parsimonious"? Cheap. Cheap. Cheap.[parsimonious (=stingy, frugal)]

-My love for you is bottomless.

-Well, my love for you is a pandiculation, a yawning abyss that stretches for miles. Take that as you will.

[pandiculation (=yawning and stretching)]

My neighbor is so zealous about trees that he created an ardoretum.

My neighbor is so zealous about organic produce that she only buys passion fruit.

[zealous (=ardent)]

Gesticulate on the London Underground: mime the gap

[gesticulate (=express with hands, etc.)]

Odious manicure: rank and file

Odious undershirt ad: "Look who we've got our Heinous on now"

[odious (=disgusting)]

There once was a British owler

Well-known for his usage howlers

But this time showed book

Made everyone look

"See? Not odious but Fowler!"

[odious (=disgusting)]
Ferdinand Magellan circumnavigated the globe to honor his brother Gary, who had died trying unsuccessfully to circumambulate it.[circumambulate (=to walk around)]

Egregious Agency: Patent Office

Egregious peregrinating: running arrants

Blatant blockade: egregious besiegement

[egregious (=blatant)]
Scintillating tirade: sparkling whine[scintillating (=sparkling)]

There was an old woman named Kate

Who sure loved to peregrinate

She walked far and wide

'Til one day she died

When asked "Can you parry grenades?"

[peregrinate (=to travel, especially on foot)]

Matutinal hyperbole: morning stretch

I won't tell you how fantastic this car is; just drink this chamomile tea. What, boss? But you said "hype herbally"! What? OH.

Two parabolas make a hyperbola, and too much palaver makes hyperbole.

[hyperbole (=exaggeration)]

Lugubrious pep squad: cheerless leaders

Mr. Peanut's funeral was lu-goober-ious, with many tears shed (salted, lightly salted, and unsalted, some may have contained wheat).

[lugubrious (=mournful, gloomy)]

Join in the limbo dance kerfuffle: Do the low-commotion with me!

Kerfuffle compilation: to-do list

Kids' kitchen kerfuffle: din din

Colorful kerfuffle: hue and cry

[kerfuffle (=a noisy commotion)]

Hebetudinous hollow: yawning chasm

Me Tarzan. You Jane. Me low English skills. But me not hebetudinous.

[hebetudinous (=mentally dull/tired)]

There once was a boy hebetudinous

With dull-minded ways multitudinous

I told him all this

He thought it a diss

And said I was "coppin' a 'tude-inous"

[hebetudinous (=mentally dull/tired)]

Suave surgeon: smooth operator

Suave petroleum: oil slick

[suave (=charming [man])]

There once was a man named Nabov

Who thought he was really suave

In cologne he did drench

He said he knew French

Yet couldn't pronounce the word "mauve"

[suave (=charming [man])]
Porphyrophobia is nothing to wine about.[porphyrophobia (=fear of purple)]

-Have you had porphyrophobia for many years?

-Just a fuchsia. Aaaah!

[porphyrophobia (=fear of purple)]

Pusillanimous pining: craven cravin'

Pusillanimous pistol: gun shy

[pusillanimous (=cowardly)]

Rive hat: demolition derby

Rectitude rive: a shred of decency

Rive unverified: without a shred of evidence

Pared Apple on the Weekend: "Rive from New York it's Saturday Night!"

In the movie Serenity (from the TV show Firefly), a reaver's a rive-r and River's a reaver rive-r.

[rive (=to rip violently)]

There once was a pirate named Clive

Who to rend people's stuff would strive

He also liked loot

But rending's a hoot

He'd wait for the time to ARR rive

[rive (=to rip violently)]

You gallivant online? E-gad!

Gallivanting hipster: stray cat

[gallivant (=to roam for pleasure)]

-Holy Roamin' Empire, Batman! It's Gallivant.

-Don't worry, Robin. He'll probably just wander off aimlessly.

[gallivant (=to roam for pleasure)]

Equivocate re-incognito: lie in repose

The superhero Incognito Man was actually just too lazy to make a costume.

[incognito (=in disguise, with hidden identity)]

There once was a man from Van Nuys

A Latinate-word kinda guy

Used "senescence" for failin'

He's sesquipedalian

For Halloween went incognito

[incognito (=in disguise, with hidden identity)]

Frosty senescence sailor: The Rime of the Ancient Mariner

Hero of senescence: Superannuatedman

Senescence is when matutinal creeps into crepuscular, making your joints hurt.

Senescence Poltroon: Old Yeller

[senescence (=growing old)]

aches and pains

slower brain

wisdom gained

Senescence

[senescence (=growing old)]

Sciolism surplus: haphazardous waste

Sciolism and Nihilism walk into a bar. Sciolism wanted his drink watered down; Nihilism would have none of that.

Every issue of Sciolism Magazine is a limited edition.

On the side of sciolism: off the deep end

If sciolism were an ethnicity, would those folk eat shoal food?

Sciolism Dessert: Hasty Pudding

Sciolism diatribe: cursory cursing

[sciolism (=shallow knowledge)]

Altruistic anarchy: philanthropic disorganization

The most altruistic martial art? Karate--it's open-handed.

How is the Earth deeply altruistic? It's magma-nimous.

Altruistic operation: open-heart surgery

Altruistic newsstand: selfless-service kiosk

Altruistic produce: compassion fruit

[altruistic (=unselfish)]

Poltroon performer: Sissy Spacek

Poltroon burger joint: Wimpy's

Poltroon equivocation: cowardly lyin'

[poltroon (=coward)]

Doppelganger irritations: twin piques

My evil twin knocks things over and nails up paintings for the former "Nightline" host: a Koppel-topple-banger-hanger doppelganger.

Rational doppelganger: reasonable facsimile

Diamond doppelganger: carbon copy

[doppelganger (=ghostly double, evil twin)]

Hobbledehoy hobbling: minor setback

Hobbledehoy hood: juvenile delinquent

Short hobbledehoys with hairy feet are properly called hobbitdehoys.

[hobbledehoy (=awkward adolescent boy)]

There once was a drunk who was pompous

Believed himself to be best

He only could move cattywampus

Self-christened Bishop of Chess.

[cattywampus (=diagonal, in disarray)]
Allow somnolent canines to equivocate: let sleeping dogs lie[equivocate (=to mislead, lie)]
Avarice is wampum disregard for life's ineffable joys.[avarice (=greed)]
Baseball festoon: bunting[festoon (=a draping decoration)]

Denouement decoupage: when the ending feels pasted on

Domestic denouement: the butler did it

[denouement (=a story's resolution after the climax)]

-And does your novel have a denouement?

-It got everything: de-new-ment, de-old-ment, pop-ups, scratch-n-sniff...

[denouement (=a story's resolution after the climax)]

Magazine for schadenfreude enthusiasts: Misfortune

Stellar schadenfreude: thanking their unlucky stars

[schadenfreude (=taking pleasure in others' misfortune)]

If youse happ'ly lis'nin' ta

da stories'a victims'a

assault 'n' theft 'n' fraud 'n' moida

youse got a case'a schadenfreude

[schadenfreude (=taking pleasure in others' misfortune)]

Old tirade spewer: diatribal elder

Tirade with righteous indignation after buying a bad used car: lemon harangue piety

When someone stole her fancy Thanksgiving desserts, Martha Stewart launched into a high-grade pie raid tirade.

Hippie harangue: tie-dyed tirade

[tirade (=a rant)]

The comical duo of efflorescence and resilience: Floral and Hardy

Literary preadolescence efflorescence: Judy Blume

Samurai were like cherry blossoms, with glorious efflorescence and quick death. Plus their skin was pale and supple.

[efflorescence (=blooming)]
He was quite a harbinger. Then he got into har-recovery.[harbinger (=a foreteller)]
Me Tarzan. You Jane. Tarzan like Jane. Details ineffable.[ineffable (=hard to put into words)]

Carrying on about isolation: schlep-eration anxiety.

Portable potable: Schleps Tonic Water

[schlep (=to carry, lug)]
By refusing to stop funding the Kraft-branded, mallet-based arcade game, he was an implacable Snackables Whac-A-Mole backer.[implacable (=adamant)]
I may not be the most important thing in the universe, but half of everything is a moiety and half of that is moi.[moiety (=half)]
A tawdry cauldron is witch kitsch.[kitsch (=gaudy artsy item)]
In Japanese onomatopoeia the sound of silence is "shiiiin." Kind of ruins that Simon and Garfunkel song.[onomatopoeia (=a word representing a sound)]
As a bucolic alcoholic, the shepherd spurns urban bourbon.[bucolic (=rustic, of the countryside)]

With the shepherd asleep

on the lam went the sheep

but bucolic frolic

turned to pastoral disasteral

[bucolic (=rustic, of the countryside)]
If "festive" describes a festival, does "furtive" describe a furtival? wondered the percive Grail-knight.[furtive (=stealthy)]
The toddler's incipient juice drinking from the special cup ended when her mother noticed an in-sippy ant.[incipient (=starting to happen)]
Nonessential Naugahyde is a pleather plethora.[plethora (=an overabundance)]